The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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