Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
