Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
