Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
