....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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