I've blown a few things in my day
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
