YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
