Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
