it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
