Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
