the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
two words: eviction party
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ok first of all what the fuck
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
