goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
