All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
