drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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