Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
