quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
