i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
