Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
