I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
