He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Randomize
