I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
