I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i dont even know how to be here
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
