you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
