I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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