It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
