I skipped work to stalk him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Bring me that man meat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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