My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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