What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
