in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
