well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
