No awkward lesbian experiences without me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The uberlube is also flammable
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
