you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
