My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
