hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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