The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
