New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize