He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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