Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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