My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
