flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
third nipple confirmed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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