he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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