I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
