you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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