you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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