You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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