she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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