from now on my penis is your penis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
