Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
