I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
