all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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