Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You pole danced in your parka.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
