but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
