he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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