I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
