First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
