I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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