ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
