Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
