Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
