Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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