Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
