I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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