Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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