Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
