I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He passed out mid-signature
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
