alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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