We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles