You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.