He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.