Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
this is an emotional support booty call
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.