grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
