Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
