my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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